Monday, October 29, 2007

Clarification about skirt scripts!

I wanted to make certain that everyone understands that the term Stupid Skirt™ does not refer to any particular brand of skirt script and, in fact, REFERS TO THE LACK OF A SCRIPT. ‘Stupid’ means that the skirt is just a plain old fashioned skirt without a 'brain' (script).

When a script has already been installed in an item by someone much brighter than me, I have had no troubles. It is just when I start messing with them that things go awry. I LOVE skirts that already have the script in them when I buy them. I just need designers to save me from myself and install them for me. The skirt I was trying to wear in the blog article did not have a script when I bought it and I was trying to add a stand alone one to it. (I should know better already – you should see where the teleporter I tried to make for my house takes me. Shudder.)

© 2007 All Rights Reserved.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

It Started with a Stupid Skirt™


Does this make me look fat?

GAWD - what a weekend I had in Second Life.


It started out well. The weather in Wonderful Land was good, my hair looked good and I had chosen an adorable outfit. But, when I sat on my new Hopa hippety hop, which was going to ride while doing errands (see my blog entry for Oct. 23), the prim skirt part of my outfit stuck out oddly. "What a great time to try the new smart/intelligent/genius skirt script I had purchased," I thought naively. After over an hour of struggle, the skirt was stuck to my back like a camel’s hump and I could not get it stop clinging there. Since I don’t have an advanced degree in Computer Science, I gave up and just wore it as a Stupid Skirt™ – sans script. Sigh.


I decided to check my makeup in the bathroom mirror before I heading out and ....hey! Where is my new bathtub???? Gone. Into thin grid. I looked under, over, and around my house. Nothing. I searched my inventory and lost and found folders. Nothing. Sigh. (No wonder I cannot get decent homeowners' insurance rates in Second Life.)


Picking up a few things for dinner at M-Mart. (Next to Maddux Furnishings. Be sure to pick up a freebie gift bag filled with furniture and home accessories while you are there.)

I resigned myself to buying a replacement tub, mounted my Hopa and went shopping. I was hopping and browsing peacefully when suddenly, I found myself trapped in a cage! After some struggle and frustration, I managed to track down the bling-happy jerk who had caged me. After telling me to fuck myself several times (Wha...??), he removed it.

At the time, I did not know that if I just TP’d somewhere that I would be free of the cage. Later in the day, this trick was explained to me by an acquaintance whom I had met when they were wandering around a texture shop trying to find out where they could buy a wall. A wall. I kid you not. And when they explained to me how to escape from a cage, they acted like I was the slow one.

When I got back to my house, I realized that I had double purchased several textures. Crapola! (I can only guess that this is the result of brain damage that occurs after riding a virtual hippety hop continuously for over 72 hours.)

I was cursing my waste of Lindens when I glanced out of my living room window and realized that new neighbors had moved in. They had placed a 30m x 30m home on a 30m x 30m plot of land - meaning that this is my new view:




At that point, I decided that I needed some fun, so I decided to try out the new faux-Polaroid camera I had purchased a couple of weeks ago. I had been seduced by the words on the box promising a SPECIAL HUD! and FUN! Well, it turns out that all it actually does is LITTER! Sigh...



Just who is going to pick up this mess?


I left the mess and began working on filing my new textures in my inventory, when a handsome Avatar I had met while bathtub shopping recently (loud sigh...), IM’d me. I had really enjoyed talking with him the previous evening, so I was looking forward to chatting again. Well, he decided that the best course of conversation that day was to tell me all about what he was going to do sexually to another Avatar. How charming. Vomit.


And all weekend long, I kept hoping that my SL boyfriend would log in and hang out with me. But no such luck - he is being grounded by his Real Life (frigid, giant bushed) girlfriend who caught him 'spanking his monkey' while engaged in recreational activities with me. (What? I meant ice skating.)



I prefer to give my monkey 'time outs'. Lolo Pet Shop.


At that point, I was quite bummed about how things had gone.


But then, out of the blue, my friend Alger Meads IM’d me to share a haiku he had written about pistachios. :-)


And somehow, that made everything better.
What bad day? Chillin' with Alger and pondering salted snack themed poetry.

© 2007 All Rights Reserved.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Dude, where is my teleporter?

While researching some of my blog posts and shopping, I have come across several interesting items that I thought I would share with you.
Remember back in the 70’s when children’s head injuries came easily and often? Well, the Hippety Hop (in combination with the cement patio in your back yard) was one reason why. And now your Avatar can enjoy this experience, too. You can get your choice of polka dot, happy face or other Hopas with bounce animations at Obscure Finds.


I may never be satisfied with walking on the Grid again.

Did all that bouncing make you horny? Well, get some self-satisfaction and pick up some chick lit that leaves nothing to the imagination at the Little Book Shop of Erotica.
Whetting my appetite - I check out the cover of a Freebie erotic story.

Ok, now you say that you are tired of masturbating? Well. You are going to need a boyfriend, then. So, get pretty with a beauty/spa night. Stop by Total Betty Boutique for a bath robe, cucumbers for your eyes and pore strips.

Got pretty and rushed out to a night club where your Avatar proceeded to get fall down drunk? Ouch. They say that you aren’t having fun until someone gets hurt. You’ll need the Clumsy Girl Bruises or a Tattered Dress to accessorize your Av. Get them at *GutterPup* "Fashion & Fun For the Less Fortunate".

And when you woke up the next day, did your friends hand you a Polaroid of yourself wearing someone’s boxers on your head? You probably got those at Sh*T Happens. I just hope they were clean.


Now, I am off to practice reading and hopping at the same time...at least until my boyfriend gets back in-world. Meantime, please try to behave yourself.
© 2007 All Rights Reserved.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Weed Whacker™


No matter how fantastic and surreal SL is, it turns out that women still have lots more to be concerned about than men. They still have to maintain the front lawn, if you know what I mean.
I am talking specifically about pubic hair. My first skin (A rather nice freebie from the Jane in the Box kit – which is a fantastic resource for newbies, by the way) was like that of a Barbie doll – no nipples or pubes. I don't know about you, but I like my girlie accessories and I wanted them for my Av, too.

To illustrate just how truly unfair things are in life, I found a shop where male Avs can get hairier. Just let it all hang out. Yup – pubes, chest, and legs. Sigh. Because I guess SL isn’t relaxing enough for men -- what with all the SLex, no need for a job or to change your clothing. (Actually, now that I think about it, I should have tried the leg hair on and surprised my Second Life boyfriend – to let him know that I was finally feeling comfortable in our relationship.)


Meantime, while waiting desperately for the newbie time limits to pass so that I could buy Lindens, I browsed and window shopped. I came across a wide variety of options for pubic hair. I found every imaginable shape - hearts, smiley faces, checkerboards, overgrown bushes, Christmas trees, and simple triangles. In every color – blue, blonde, red, pink, brunette, tragic attempts at blonde pubes, etc.
Now, for the life of me, I cannot understand why someone would wear the untended garden style pubes…in RL or SL. I mean, to each his own and all that…but in SL? Where everything, including kitty maintenance, is painless and practically free? Fantastic! Give me a Pink Flamingo shaped snatch then, please!

Considering making a kitty into a flamingo...while wearing my free t-shirt from Bolessa's Bushes.
The absolute instant I was able to buy Lindens for my account, I made a bee line to a skin store with pages of earmarked fashion blog notes in hand. My only goal? To possess a pretty skin with a pretty kitty. And not a bald one either. I am an adult woman and adult woman have pubic hair. I wanted what I have in RL. I call it my ‘Welcome Mat’…although most people in the U.S. call it a ‘landing strip'. I hate that name. It is stupid. I am working everyday to make ‘Welcome Mat’ catch on. See, no one flies in. Not even in Second Life. And usually if someone sees my ‘Welcome Mat’ they are being invited in (…or I am trying to get a discount on a car repair, but I digress…) so,
Welcome Mat makes more sense anyway. Sheesh.


Anyhoo, if you would like to decorate your Avatar’s kitty or twig and berries, here are a few places I found with interesting selections – even some freebies (including the t-shirt I am wearing in the photo with the flamingo above).
Now, get your pube on! Or something.

Pubes for purchase:
Freebie, stand alone pubes (so to speak):
For your other body hair needs:
© 2007 All Rights Reserved.

Friday, October 12, 2007

SLIKEA™


This is where the RL magic happens. ;-)
I have been very busy in Second Life lately. I am trying to build a replica of my Real Life (non-IKEA) Swedish design bed. Above, you can see a picture of my RL bed. I have had it since I was 11 years old. It was a birthday gift from my parents. I begged for it – I loved the classic style, the smooth beech wood and simple lines of the design. I wish that I could say that I had sophisticated taste even at that young age…but the first thing I did when I got it home was to throw a hot pink Valley Girl themed comforter and two stuffed toy hippos on it. So, I guess I can only say that I have moments of taste.


When I started SL, I never thought I would be interested in building. I was having the best time just shopping, meeting people, having tons of SLex, and exploring the grid. But, I realized two things - 1) being easy is exhausting and 2) I did not like the bed I had purchased.

Luckily, I have a private building tutor: the charming f00 Barbosa! I have spent lots of time watching him build a gorgeous home. Plus, when I get really tired and frustrated he does things like this:


I highly recommend getting yourself a boyfriend who gives massages.....in SL and RL.








I adore my lessons and I adore f00 – but at times the instruction reminds me of getting homework help or driving lessons from my RL father. [Basically, I spent the entire six months leading up to my 16th birthday in tears, insisting that, yes, my dad was in fact yelling and not just talking loudly as I practiced merging and three point turns. For his part, he spent the six months with a migraine and, God bless him, never once phoned the authorities to ask if there was still time to put me up for adoption.]

I kid, of course. f00 really is amazingly awesome and patient. Even when I am really, really, stooooooopid in front of him. One of my personal challenges is that I hate to do math under pressure. I feel stupid trying to do all the little adjustments, ratios and calculations in front of super smart f00. Even though I have taken tons of math and statistics courses in my lifetime, doing math in front of people makes my brain shut off. (I attribute this to trauma suffered as a 7 year old when I realized that, after having lost first place to him, Jimmy Dougan had cheated during multiplication table races.)




I originally thought that I would build things in the space on the roof of my condo, but it turns out to be against the rules. Luckily, I find the sandboxes wonderfully fun places in which to build. This is despite lag and crowding and the occasional giant prim that gets rezzed on top of me accidentally . They are such social places! People comment on your work, offer help, share textures, etc. It is a blast. Just the other day, as I was adjusting the textures on my duvet, an adorable little old man came over, rezzed a chair, sat down and watched me build. He also got to observe me grumble, cuss and, finally, give up and make everything white.

I am still working on getting a pattern on the bedding and making the pillow shams prettier. In the end, the bed will probably turn out to be…ummmm....let me see…carry the 1….oh, somewhere north of 200 prims and it will be the only item I can keep in my condo. But, it will give me such satisfaction to be able to say that I worked on it myself (with help, of course).













Introducing the ävatår Bed.
And, yes, I have already contacted IKEA® and asked them to come to Second Life. I let them know that I would love to help run their store. Come on by for a plate of SLwedish meatballs!

**Many thanks to Alger Meads who inspired the IKEA and meatball references when I met him while working in the sandbox!.

© 2007 All Rights Reserved.

Sunday, October 7, 2007

Walk of Shame


This is what I am willing to suffer for SLove...and shopping.
My poor, poor Avatar. She can’t walk straight to save her life. She stumbles around the grid as though she has been drinking mouthwash shooters for three straight days.

While walking, I sometimes realize that my RL self has been leaning in my desk chair as my Avatar wobbles to and fro, in a hopeful attempt to right her….sort of like how you lean when bowling as you try to will the ball to roll away from the gutter.
I thought the problem was using a mouse to walk. So, I tried WASD keyboard navigation. Fine. Sigh. This only means that I am just going to get carpal tunnel in both wrists now.
I live in fear of shops with staircases to the upper floors and no room to fly. If the shop doesn’t have a railing for me to grasp and lean on, I will simply have to shop the first floor and leave. I don’t have the kind of time it would take me to get upstairs. I mean, I do have a RL to attend to, you know. (Note that I do the same thing in RL if I find that I will need to parallel park – I say to myself, “Well, that looks like a nice place…what a shame,” and drive home. Sigh.)
Before sending a frantic IM, I was absolutely desperate to see what is on the second level of clothing store Nyte’N’Day. I must have fallen and gotten stuck between the staircase and a wall six different times trying to ascend. (And I just know other Avatars were laughing at me....) But happily, Nyte Caligari heard my pleas and installed teleporters! YAY!


The formerly insurmountable stairs and the new Nyte'N'Day teleporters!

Even SLove and SLex have fallen victim to my lack of ambulatory skills. I was cuddling with a cute Gorean one evening back when I first started SL. He invited me to his bedroom. He gracefully charged up the spiral staircase. I stood and stared in awe, jaw dropped open. Right there, I realized that if he insisted upon living in a home with a spiral staircase and no banisters, I would just have to end the relationship.
Luckily, I now have a boyfriend who understands how challenging walking is for me. He taught me keyboard shortcuts. He helped me get really good with camera manipulation. He installed teleporters and wide doorways in his lovely new SL home. He is patient when I toddle along beside him and doesn’t get annoyed when I give him virtual flat tires when I follow too closely behind. I hope he knows that I would walk through walls to get to him...
...because I just may.

They are kidding, right?
© 2007 All Rights Reserved.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Above AVerage


Checking myself out in my adorable compact mirror while applying Watermelon Lip Gloss (from G.L.A.M.)

Almost every day that I log into SL, I get asked if I look like my Avatar. Well… I promise that I started out with the best of intentions. I really attempted to make her look like me…albeit with a better dry cleaner and more sleep. But, I have to admit…she turned out a little too well.

In RL, I have been told that I have a look that is similar to two well known actresses. So, I guess if [Actress A] and [Actress B] had a baby, it might look a little like me.
For the benefit of all who ask, however, I talked to my Mom. She is familiar with what I look like and might be able to provide some additional insight:
Me: Hello, Mom.
Mom: Hello. [pauses} What is this for?
Me: I am interviewing you for my blog.
Mom: What is a blog?
Me: It is where I write things and post them to the internet.
Mom: Hmmmmm. And people read them?
Me: Probably not. Just me and, soon, my therapist. Oh, and possibly someday, some sort of defense or divorce attorney, too. So, anyway, Mom….please describe what I look like for the readers.
Mom: You look like me.
Me: Well, yes, but they can’t see you.
Mom: Well, but you do.
Me: Let’s try this: [I pull out a picture of my Avatar]…do I look like this at all?
Mom: Oh, cute. Did you draw her?
Me: Sort of…kind of…not really. But, she is my electronic persona on the web. So, do I look even remotely like her?
Mom: Oh no. No, no, no...
Me: Ummmmm…ok…you don’t have to be quite so certain. ..
Mom: You should cut your hair like that though….
Me: ... !
Mom: And see her eye liner? You never wear enough and….
Me: Moooooommmmmmm….please….so do you think I look like [Actress A] or [Actress B]?
Mom: I don’t know who those people are.
Me: Well…remember that woman from the movie La Bamba? [Actress A] was in that.
Mom: Oh, La Bamba was a good movie…
Me: So, do I look like her?
Mom: No. [pauses} Did she play the sister-in-law lady?
Me: Yes….
Mom: Oh. No, I don’t remember her.
Me: Ok. Let’s forget La Bamba. How would you describe me if I was kidnapped and you didn’t have a photo of me to give to the police?
Mom: I would tell them that you look like me. Are you staying for dinner?
Me: [sigh] Probably. What are you guys having?
So what have we learned here? That I should not ask stupid questions of my Mom. And you should stop asking stupid questions, too. :-P
© 2007 All Rights Reserved.

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