Recently, a dear friend of ours gave Jerremy and me a present – a sex toaster. This appliance was rather intriguing to us. We don’t have any animations or “functional” furniture in the kitchen. Honestly. Plus, I was in the mood…for a snack. We opened the box and set the shiny mental appliance on the counter and got ready for a test drive! Jerremy: OK. I have the bread.
Tymmerie: You didn’t get whole wheat?
J: I like this kind.
T: [glances at label] No fiber.
J: We aren’t going to eat the bread.
T: No?
J: No – it is just for effect. Timing. Stamina. Like….can we go for a whole loaf or will I wear you out after a few slices.
T: Why do I have jelly, then?
J: Beats me. OK! Balls rezzed!
T: This seems odd.
J: No odder than any other sex furniture.
T: I am afraid of falling off of the counter. Can we put the toaster on the floor?
J: Well, that would just be silly. No one makes toast on the floor.
T: Hmmmm…well, OK. Here is the instruction book.
J: Wow – who drew that diagram? You’d think they had never seen a…
T: How will I be able to tell if it is turned on?
J: It’ll get warm and start to glow. Now, does this go in here or here?
T: Here - never put anything in there.
J: Are you sure?
T: Positive. Ok, next, the instructions say to hold this and twist it to the right.
J: Let me put this in first!
T: Sorry – I’m just excited. [waits] Sweetheart, it doesn’t seem to be heating up.
J: Oh, it is. Go ahead and feel it.
T: Mmmm! That’s nice!
J: Hmmm. It keeps popping up too soon.
T: Let me try to hold it down.
J: Be gentle – we don’t want to break it.
T: I’ve never broken one. You can break one?
J: Trust me on that, Honey. [waits] Babe? Is this supposed to be that color?
T: Pull it out and let me look at it.
J: OMG!! Hot! Oh no! I think we kept it in for too long.
T: I shouldn’t have forced it! Here, let me blow on that.
J: Thanks, Honey. Oh - look what I have! Wanna try *this*?
T: Sure – but, will it fit?
J: Only one way to find out! There! [waits] Mmmmm, that smells good!
T: [nods] I can’t wait to put butter on it!
Hours later, in a smoke filled kitchen, we decided that we loved our new toaster. We are just crossing our fingers that there is no bun in the oven.
Many Thanks go to my husband Jerremy Darwin who co-wrote this with me!
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Recently, a dear friend of ours gave Jerremy and me a present – a sex toaster. This appliance was rather intriguing to us. We don’t have any animations or “functional” furniture in the kitchen. Honestly. Plus, I was in the mood…for a snack.
That was awesome!
ReplyDeleteAwwww!! Thank you, Lizzie!!
ReplyDeleteI love Toast. I think I NEED a SL-Toaster. :-D
ReplyDeleteThe banter is stupendous between you both.
Ok now that was entertaining! :))
ReplyDeleteThank you, Elora! I love my husband for his mind as much as anything!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you enjoyed it, Cherie!!
OMG..........
ReplyDeleteI've been away tooooooooo long! LOL I've said it before, and I'll say it again, you have a wonderful sense of humor, not to mention great writing skills. But did you try syrup on it?
LOL! That would have been such a great line, Margo! Thank you for the kind words!
ReplyDeleteTymmerie, you and Jerremy are hilarious!
ReplyDeleteI have so much fun with him, Eladrienne! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteWell I'm glad you all got a laugh out of my toaster :P
ReplyDeleteStarted off as a joke among friends. A couple I was close with had a house full of sex furniture. I'd remarked to our mutual friends that I clicked the toaster and got a poseball. It was an ongoing joke for a while and I decided the thing needed to be made.
If anyone would like their very own - here is the link to the toaster on XstreetSL:
ReplyDeletehttps://www.xstreetsl.com/modules.php?name=Marketplace&file=item&ItemID=668603